King Alfred Bites His Auntie

September 29, 2013 

Okay, guys, before you read the title and give me a hard time about biting my Auntie, you gotta get my perspective on things!

I was stressed out the other day. My Auntie came to stay with me and my Moms. Alfred on the bed July 2013I recognized her. She’s the Auntie with the loud voice that scared me when she visited us over the summer.  Moms only left me with her for a week-end, but I got kinda scared – you know the loud voice and all… But, I got used to her.

So, guys, when my Auntie Susie arrived I knew her and didn’t hide from her like I did the first time she came. After she settled in I jumped up on her lap. She’s always trying to be nice and all -trying to whisper to me instead of talking loudly like my Moms explained she should do. I was okay with it. But, I need boundaries, guys. Boundaries. Just because I let you pet me once – or twice – doesn’t mean I want your hand goin’ up and down my head and back all the time like that.

So, there I was in my Auntie’s lap and her hand was just a movin’ up and down my back and I was realizing that my Moms was probably gettin’ ready to go on another one of her ‘bizness’ trips and I would be left behind. I couldn’t take it. I just couldn’t take the idea of being without my Moms’ attention and affection for some unknown period of time and all. So, I growled and hissed and took a bite out of my Auntie’s hand.

“Alfred!! Alfred!!”  Moms yelled.  “Did you just bite your Auntie?!

“Right here in front of me?!”  I froze. My Auntie took her hand away from my back and cradled it in her other handing looking embarrassed for the whole incident.

I knew I was in big trouble, guys. I didn’t move – hoping the bad situation would pass.

“Alfred, you cannot do that! You cannot bite your Auntie and have the nerve to stay here like nothing happened. Get your cat behind out of here!” My Moms hissed and T-H-A-C-K! My Moms whacked my scrawny cat behind and I ran outta there, guys. I knew I had done wrong and couldn’t take any more of it.

After a lot of back and forth between my Moms and my Auntie, things settled down and the two of them were just talkin’ like nothin’ had happened.  So, I snuck back in the dining room and jumped up again on my Auntie’s lap.

Cuz, guys, I’m the KING. And, there’s no way I’m lettin’ 2 womenfolk stay by themselves without me.


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